The Millionaire’s Wicked Wife – Donna Beavens from ‘The Real Gilligan’s Island’

The common perception that people have of millionaires and billionaires is that having lots and lots of money will automatically put you out of touch with the common man. Television programs have shown us many, many examples of this, from the whole cast of Arrested Development, to Mr. Burns on The Simpsons, to Mr. Howell on the original Gilligan’s Island series.

But, those are all just television shows. Many real millionaires are relatively down-to-earth people, like Mark Cuban or Sir Richard Branson. Unfortunately, there really are many real millionaires and billionaires out there whose real personalities are not that different from the made up characters of Mr. Burns or Mr. Howell.

Donna Beavens, who recently appeared on TBS’s reality show The Real Gilligan’s Island, is one of those millionaire types whose personality is not much different than the Wicked Witch of the West. She and her husband Bill went on the show as one of two real millionaire couples who were to compete against each other to become the one couple to stay on the island and in the game.

Right from the first moment we saw her, we could see that she was the ultimate rich bitch. She explains that she is proud of being a millionaire and is on the show just for the adventure (the couple is worth $3 million). Her husband adds that she doesn’t like Democrats or gays, and that if she meets one, the fireworks will fly.

And fly they did, because one of the people she had to work with, Professor Eric, is gay. Almost immediately, she started off on a harangue against gays and, specifically, Eric. As Eric explained to the group about the native fruits and berries on the island, Donna figured that he just wanted to be the center of attention and was proud of herself for figuring out he was gay right away.

Later, as everyone in the group was introducing themselves, Eric verified that he is gay and told about his wedding to his partner. She thought to herself (and shared with us), “Wow. I’m stranded on an island with a gay person.” She admitted that she’s got a bit of animosity towards gay people.

Next to introduce themselves were the competing millionaires. Glenn told of how he failed fourth grade and had a child in eighth grade. He said that his child turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to him, at least until he met his future wife. The couple is now worth over $500 million.

Donna and Bill were next. Donna said that they have two children of their own, so they have a real family. The backhanded insult was immediately recognized by the whole group – and every viewer as well.

Later that night, we found Donna, Eric, and Nicole Eggert having a spirited argument on the beach. It was tough for anyone else to get in a word edgewise as Donna just talked and talked and talked. When the others pointed this out, she gave them the evil eye and just talked louder. The rest of the castaways hung out in their huts, shook their heads, and watched the sparks fly.

The next day, the rival millionaires jokingly tried to buy the comfy pillows from Gilligan, but Donna had to butt into the discussion and call them crybabies. She went on to call them very flamboyant and bragging people and concluded that they have no class whatsoever. By this point, viewers just might have come to quite the opposite conclusion.

In the first competition of the show, the skipper of the rival team had an apparent heart attack. Donna’s team passed by the stricken team and continued onward to victory. Donna followed by crowing about what a great job her team did in catching up and passing a team with a man down.

As part of the reward for winning, the whole team received pictures from home. After viewing everyone’s pictures, Donna once again took the opportunity to tell us how gosh darn awful it is to have a gay person on the island with her. She said that she just couldn’t understand why gay people always have to tell everyone that they had sex with a man and stuff. Apparently, Mrs. Beavens was participating in a different discussion than anybody else.

As the stricken team returned and described the horror of seeing a teammate suffer what seemed to be a near fatal attack, they pointed out that he was even starting to turn blue. Donna butted in and pointed out that their team was turning blue from exhaustion as well and it was no big deal. She said, “If you fall down, you get right back up and if you can’t get up, you can’t get up.” The rest of the players were aghast that she’d compare her overworking herself to the skipper’s heart attack. She dug herself a little deeper by pointing out that their team was inconvenienced by having to stand around and wait while the other team got to sit down (while watching their skipper get treatment). Husband Bill Beavens chimed in and called the other team poor sports. Donna agreed that they were all just jealous. Maybe Donna and her husband deserve to be inducted together. Let’s call this his dishonorable mention.

Later that night, the castaways were bored and decided to have crab races. Donna backed the losing crab (you’d think she’d know her crabs) and, of course, insisted that the race be run again. The fallen skipper returned from the hospital for a brief visit before the second race and, as everyone rushed to greet him and tell him how happy they were that he was alright, Donna sat and sulked that she didn’t get a chance to race again. Sounds like the crab lost.

After that, each team was notified that they would have to defend their own professor in a challenge. That put Donna in a position where she had to struggle to save gay Eric. But before that, the other ladies on the island decided to dress up Eric in drag, since they wanted to have a little fun in case it was his last night. They rummaged through the trunks of clothes that each of the millionaires brought along. Among other things, they found a pretty pink boa.